Please don't use my name. I don't want to hear it anymore.

I work at a government elementary school.  I am many things.  I am English teacher, science teacher, music teacher, recess supervisor, dispute settler, school nurse...  And I am always, yours truly, Jenny Miss.  I think it might be only half as bad if they just left the Miss off the end, but either way, my name has been WAY overused lately.

Here’s a smattering of this week.

Jenny “Science Teacher” Miss: This is obviously the best part about the whole teaching thing.  Science is interesting!  (I only taught two science classes this week, because we’re practicing for the Christmas program, but, we needed to kill some time while the other teachers decided what we were actually going to do for the program!)  For the 4th graders, we had a nice, simple discussion on force and work and friction.  I had kids trying to push over the wall in comparison to pushing me over..... “Now in which situation is work being done?”  I think the 4th graders might be my favorite class.

Jenny “English Teacher” Miss: I really don’t enjoy this part of my job.  For one, I only teach English to the 1st and 2nd graders.  They don’t speak English as well, and they are really clingy.  Oh well, maybe I’ll enjoy it more with time.  A lot of time.

Jenny “Music Teacher” Miss: I wave my arms around like I know how to direct.  I sing at the new definition of loud so that maybe the kids can hear the tempo of the song over their own singing.  Repeat with every class.  Example: mid-Christmas carol, “No! No! No!  You’re ahead of the music!  Silent Night is a SLOW song!  Watch my hand and watch my mouth.  Don’t start the next verse until my hand goes up!”

Jenny “Saves the Day” Miss: Sujal is in kindergarten and he has a watch.  This is special.  One day, he and his best friend Sudip asked me what time it was, in Nepali.  There was a lot going on around me, and I wasn’t really paying any attention to them, and I assumed they had asked me how old I was.  It’s a common question.  I told them, “Ekkais (21).”  Fortunately for me, the way I paused and thought about it before answering made it sound like I was joking.  They laughed and laughed like it was the funniest joke they’d ever heard.  They asked again, and I told them it was 2 o’clock.  They looked at Sujal’s watch in great confusion.  Then they ran over and grabbed my wrist to look at my watch.  “Miiiissss?!” Sujal pleaded, showing me his watch.  It read 14 o’clock.  Poor kid, he was so confused.  I took his watch and reset it to 2.  He looked at it, “Miss!  TWO!”  He ran to show Sudip.  Now, on almost every hour, Sujal finds me to announce, “Miss!  TWELVE!”  

Jenny “Recess Supervisor” Miss: 

“Jenny Miss!”  I turn to watch Reuben the kindergartner throw a basketball up at the monkey bars.  I turn back just in time to “head” the soccer ball back to Bobby.  “Jenny Miss!”  I watch Ayusha slide down the slide.  I head the soccer ball to Abhilekh.  “Jenny Miss!” I watch Reuben hit the monkey bars with the ball again.  I toss the soccer ball to Prashanna so he can head it back to me.  “Jenny Miss!”  Reuben takes it out on the monkey bars again.  I head the soccer ball to someone else.  I get pummeled with these funny sticky plants that stick to your clothes like some combination of a burr and cheat grass.  I throw the plants back.  “Jenny Miss!”  Someone goes down the slide backwards.  “Jenny Miss!”  Reuben throws the ball straight up into the air.  I head the soccer ball to Bobby.  “Jenny Miss!”  “Wow! Reuben, that is REALLY cool!”

This goes on for hours, literally.  My neck hurts from turning a million different directions at once.  And since I’m obviously not doing a wonderful job at “supervising,” it’s a good thing no one expects me to, nor does Nepal have any liability laws.

Later, still recess, “Jenny Miss! Nischal is crying.”  I see that.  You know why?  It’s because he was wrestling with Alex who’s bigger than him.  I could have told you that was going to happen.  5 minutes later, “Jenny Miss!  Alex is crying.”  I see that.  You know why?  It’s because he was wrestling with Nimble who’s bigger than him.  Did I mention that I’m unsympathetic?  And that Alex cried for 10 minutes?  Not because he was seriously hurt, but because he wanted Nimble to get in trouble?

Later, still recess, I say kindly, “Purnima, go play over there.”  “No!”  I’m really tired of holding your hand.  And your hand, Nikita....Sabina.....and Monika.  I am so not clingy.  And can you not see I’m trying to play volleyball?  ....And... I really don’t want any of the lice I can see in your hair.

Five hours of solid recess supervision is too much.  Too, too much.

Thank goodness for Sabbath.  A day when I’m mostly just plain old Jenny.